WHY PEOPLE CHANGE

One of the statements you hear every waking moment of your life is, “Don’t be so confident in people because people change with time”. Mostly, people say this out of the pain and distrust created by changing people under changing circumstances. People mostly say this when they feel the person in question has changed negatively.

Don’t get me wrong. Change is the only thing that is constant and people don’t only change to become worse, but people change for the better too. Also, people change for many reasons. Someone may change his/her attitude towards another person because of the other person’s attitude. However, the focus of noeses here is to examine the negative intrinsic changes in people. In other words, negative changes in a person’s overall value system. For a long time, we have attributed these negative changes to the fact that, “it’s human nature” or “we are just human”. Yes, we are human, but is that enough justification? How long are we going to be human? If we are going to attribute everything to being human then our world will never get better.

Do you know what I think? I think people change because they are not intentional enough. People don’t actively interact and engage with their lives every step of the way. People don’t make the conscious effort to live according to their values and beliefs. You need to be intentional even in the little things. You need to be fully aware and conscious of your every action. You need to be intentional even when you are caught in the spur of the moment otherwise, you will change to your own surprise. Don’t take anything for granted; don’t take any action or situation for granted. Everyone wants to get lost in the moment. Everyone wants to just go with the flow. Everyone wants to just go all out. People want to have adventurous experiences. I am not saying that you should not do any of the above. What I am saying is simple; be thoughtful, be deliberate and fully aware of yourself and keep your values in mind every step of the way. So get lost in the moment intentionally, go with the flow intentionally, go all out intentionally, and be adventurous intentionally otherwise, before you know it you have changed into something else. Otherwise, you will become someone you never imagined you would be and you will not feel guilty about it. Otherwise, you will hurt your loved ones. Otherwise, you will break hearts and cause disappointments. You will also hurt yourself in the process; people will lose trust in you and you will lose trust in people. I admit that being intentional is not easy but just like Barack Obama said in his last speech to the American people; we need to “guard against a weakening of the values that make us who we are”.

Be intentional every step of the way

Look back at your old self. See how you have changed with time. See how your perceptions have changed. Do you ever think about it? See how easily you have broken some important promises. See how easily you have replaced your most treasured values. Now you have a false belief that everyone is like you. This is exactly how it happens. You end up changing your values to suit your actions instead of changing your actions to suit your values. If you don’t watch yourself, you will find yourself in habits you never imagined possible with you. No one is safe. It doesn’t matter how religious or spiritual you are and it doesn’t matter whether you know your values off-head or not. What matters is whether you will hold onto your values when certain situations present themselves.

It’s not too late if you think you have “fallen”. I can say that to some extent, it’s not your fault. We are human and we have natural tendencies. The good news is that each and every one of those tendencies can be put under control once you begin to live more consciously. There is hope for you. Don’t give up and don’t leave anything to chance.

Intentional people elicit trust. You can only trust someone who is consistent in their values and persistent in their actions. Their opinions might change but their core values will remain the same. So if you want to be trustworthy, you must be intentional. How can you trust someone who is not consistent in their values? I believe that one of the major causes of distrust in this world is that not many people are intentional enough. People just don’t give you a reason to trust them in “impossible” situations. So how can you become intentional? The very first step to being intentional is to understand that anyone could be anything, good or bad. It doesn’t matter how “good” you think you are, you can do the most horrible thing. All humans are born with both positive and negative tendencies. Where you lean towards depends on how intentional you are; but most often than not when you let yourself lose its more likely that you will lean towards the negative. Once you completely understand and internalize this truth, you can begin to consciously live your life.

Being Intentional elicits trust and makes you more reliable

In conclusion, It is true that we are human and it is true that people change, but I believe that with more intention, we can skew our changes towards positives away from negatives thereby, making the world a better place with more love, more trust, less hurt and less disappointment. Be intentional. Be deliberate. Cheers!

Photo Credit:

http://pausethinkconsider.com/2016/09/13/self-awareness/

http://bachflowerswithhelen.com/history/bach-flowers-life-changes/

http://social.eyeforpharma.com/column/whats-trust-got-do-it